Grateful For Yesterday

January 08, 2021

Grateful For Yesterday

'I could tell you my adventures - beginning from this morning,' said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.'

-Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Happy New Year! I am a bit late, however, since I haven’t written since Christmas I think I am safe in wishing you all a Happy New Year. It is amazing how much life can change in a day, a week, or a year. Last year on this date (at around 11am UK Time to be specific) I was crying next to a Caffe Nero in Terminal 2, LHR. 12 months, 13 essays, and a few lifelong friendships later and I have embarked on another (not as long and hopefully not as stressful) adventure.

Yesterday, I flew to Houston to see and celebrate our 1 year anniversary with my former flatmates. It is difficult to believe that 1 year ago I was crying next to the Caffe Nero, asking God “why”. The break-an-ankle cobblestone outside the Rad, the English rain, the touristy Harry Potter shops on Broad and High Street, and the little flat of dreams nestled on the corner in Jericho, where my flatmates and I would drink indecent amounts of tea while writing essays, all feels so far away now. It’s like another world, years away from the one I’m in now, yet somehow still feels as if when I wake up, I’ll be back to my foggy morning in Oxford trying to adequately and correctly describe the ‘Battle of Mons Graupius’.

I wish I had grand insights into my time at Oxford and the year in general. My last post I talked about my weariness and satisfaction that 2020 seemed to breed. However, this past Sunday I felt a bit of at a loss in relating to others at church. A loss as to not being able to relate as admittedly that 2020 was a year in which life was terrible and disappointing for me. There was weariness, like I mentioned previously, yet as Kaitlyn said in our group chat, “Parts of this year totally sucked but it all worked out for good and I’m really grateful.” Oxford gave me one of the best, most vibrant, most incredible experiences of my life. It’s true that it broadened my horizons. It’s true that I’ve learned so much, not just about my subjects, but about myself and what I’m capable of. But none of those things on their own feel like the right thing to say.

Instead, I want to echo what Kaitlyn said, which is simply to say I am grateful. I am grateful for the tutors who spent hours with me, talking about the things I’m passionate about and helping me develop into a better scholar. I am grateful for the incredible opportunity that this past year was for me; one which many people never have. But most of all, I am grateful for the incredible friends I’ve made, friends who in middle school I asked God to give me, who stood by me in good times and bad, and who I know will continue to stand by me whenever I need them.

Like Alice I could tell you about my adventures (or lack of adventures during certain times of the year), but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then, and I am happy with the adventure that 2020 gave me.

I reread some of my early blog posts in Oxford/2020 and upon reading I can appreciate words I wrote my first week in Oxford: “This is God’s plan that I’m following, not mine. I just have to say Yes and Amen and go along for the ride.”

I don’t know where 2021 is going to take me, but I am choosing to be grateful and say Yes and Amen.

Till next time,

In which I am sure I will have plenty of pictures of our anniversary merriment to share.

Cheers!

Per usual, here are some pictures :)