Lessening Evil, and Pretending I Don't Have Feelings

 

     A very tall, very thin woman opened the door.

     “Yes the Shirleys lived here twenty years ago,” she said in answer to Anne’s question…”They both died of fever at once. It was turrible sad. They left a baby. I guess it’s dead long ago.”…

     ”It didn’t die,” said Anne smiling. “I was that baby.”

     “You don’t say so! Why you have grown,” exclaimed the woman, as if she were much surprised that Anne was not still a baby.

                                    -Anne of the Island

     This past week has been a very emotionally raw week for me. Many things emotional has happened this past week for me personally. Not just the political atmosphere here in America, though that has definitely bred stress for me, but mainly because my adoption date (or “gotcha” day as it was so named years ago by my family), is tomorrow, the 7^th.

    While I have been vulnerable specifically with my Oxford blog posts, I am choosing to share a part of my story that I usually avoid at all costs. As I jokingly texted my flatmate Kaitlyn- “I am happiest pretending I don’t have feelings”. To which as the conversation progressed, Kaitlyn informed me that “I support you no matter what, but am still here to say “JUST CRY DAMMIT” (Kaitlyn, I know you are reading this, your way with words brightens up my days!). Let’s hope I make it through this blog post without crying.

     Much like turning 20, the realization that not only am I now 20 years old, but I have been in this country for 20 years, brings up odd emotions. Emotions that I really don’t know how to identify. To be perfectly honest, I tend to forget I am adopted a lot of the time, save for introducing my parents for the first time to someone. Nevertheless, I always seem to be hyper aware of it the week or two leading up to my “gotcha” day. After a conversation on adoption and a rumor that had been maliciously spread about me back in high school, at a Halloween party I hosted last week, I really became aware of some hurt that still exists.

     Going into this blog post, I didn’t have a reason or even goal with this post. However, as I concluded in a conversation with my flatmates as I processed some of my emotions, “I know who I am, and whose I am“. So while at times it hurts, (The rejection of my birth mother 20 years ago still hurts), I just want to encourage anyone who has also questioned their identity and worth, rejection, whatever manner, doesn’t define you.

  Now as I try to transition from emotions, I want to talk politics. Because we know emotions are never involved when politics are in play;)

     I love politics. Perhaps a bit too much in times, if I am honest. However, while I refuse to engage with political discussion on social media, due to the fact that I don’t believe people want to reason, they just want to lecture. I am very excited to share my reasoning on why I voted the way I did.

     My approach to voting is best described from my worldview tutor from Oxford, “I vote to lessen evil, not for the lesser of two evils.” As Kevin would say in class, as well in his recent blog post (click the link to read his blog post dedicated to this question https://www.kevinbywater.com/blog/voting-to-lessen-evil )“This requires identifying evils and candidates whose policies or platforms might impact these issues and lessen the evils.” International relations, border security, economy (though a pandemic nullifies that a bit) our “undeniable rights”, are all things that I value. Thus, I reason that a vote for Republicans is a vote to lessen evils, albeit potentially. Again, due to what and how I value, I reason that the Republican’s and their platform is my best chance at lessening evil.

     Before I leave you with a few (and a tad humiliating) baby pictures, to try and lighten the mood of my blog post. I want to encourage you that while none of us know the results of the election, do read “The Madness of Crowds,” by Douglas Murray. It is an insightful book that speaks through the muck that we are seeing our society today.

Per usual here are a few pictures,

Cheers!

                                                                 (Halloween Party shenanigans!) 

                                                                     (Definitely check out this book)

                                              https://www.amazon.com/Madness-Crowds-Gender-Race Identity/dp/1635579988/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=8-2