"Who am I?"

"I wish I were dead, or that it were tomorrow night," groaned Phil.

"If you live long enough both wishes will come true," said Anne calmly.

"It's easy for you to be serene. You're at home in Philosophy. I'm not – and when I think of that horrible paper tomorrow I quail. If I should fail in it what would Jo say?"

"You won't fail. How did you get on in Greek today?"

"I don't know. Perhaps it was a good paper and perhaps it was bad enough to make Homer turn over in his grave. I've studied and mulled over notebooks until I'm incapable of forming an opinion of anything. How thankful little Phil will be when all this examinating is over."

"Examinating? I never heard such a word."

"Well, haven't I as good a right to make a word as any one else?" demanded Phil.

-Anne of the Island

     I’m kicking the week off with another blog post, in which rather like Phil, I wish I were dead or that it was the end of the week, because that means I will have handed in both of my essays! Nevertheless, as Anne calmly reminded Phil and by extension me- If I live long enough both wishes will come true😅

     I met my other tutor- Dr. Pollard last Thursday, and while she was absolutely lovely, I was assigned an essay due no later than 9:00am Tuesday the 21st. Also at the time in which I received said assignment- I also had another essay approximately 1,500 words due on Thursday 30. Side note- I actually finished that essay on the 25^th! Woot, woot- let’s hope it holds up under the scrutiny.

     I had a lot of expectations for my life at Oxford, and in many ways, it’s different than I thought it would be. Above all, I am surprised by how normal it is. I go shopping for groceries, I do school (admittedly it is more intense here), and I hide out in my room hoping my flatmates will not drag me out to socialize (I’m the most introverted of us girls). Yet, Then I look up, and…

(New College entrace toward
cloisters and bar)

(The "Rad")

Wow.

(New College grounds)

     It’s so easy, I think, to forget where I am. This past week and weekend I’ve been sucked into a whirlpool of work; every day working on my essays. Trying to do laundry and clean, making and eating meals, meeting a tutor, and occasionally, a trip to another library. The last week has been intense, and I forget to look up. I forget to appreciate what is, in the long run, such a small blip in my life. Such an incredible opportunity, not just for learning, but for living.

     Thus, during my studies this past week I looked up from my laptop, eyes glazed over and realized that I needed to go outside and enjoy the very typical “British” weather that God had provided….while I still can. I was able to convince my flatmate, Avrie, to come along with me and take some pictures. She is a professional photographer back home, and the results were gorgeous! It also was a plus- as it gave me an opportunity to update my profile picture on every platform I use!

(Cute little side-street

on my way to New College)

(New College gardens

and the 1 time I looked cool!)

     As far as impostor syndrome, it still exists- and as Dr. Pollard said, “anyone who does not experience impostor syndrome when they are in Oxford are not people you want to know.” I think I will feel impostor syndrome up until my end of term. However this last week, as I kept asking God, “Why am I here?” on 3 separate accounts was I taken to the story of Moses in Exodus, with the burning bush. The first time it happened was near the beginning of the week, I was listening to the sermon online from my church back home, and it focused on Moses asking,

“Who am I? That I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”

Exodus 3:11-12 ESV

     I didn’t think much on it, other than it was a good sermon….Then Thursday night hit- I went to Young Adults at church here in Oxford (St. Aldates is pretty neat!) and the story and series they are doing throughout this term is on Moses. Specifically him asking “Who am I?”

     Again, I didn’t think much of it, besides the coincidence. Until Friday, when I went to my World View class- and we read and discussed- you guessed it, Exodus 3:11-12, “Who am I?”

     Isn’t it funny how God decides to address the questions you’ve been asking him? I think so at least. The main thing I’ve realized is that God never answers Moses’ question, “Who am I?” He just said “I will be with you.”

     This past week was challenging- the intensity of learning, writing essays, and trying not to fail, is stressful! Yet, when I ask, “Why am I here?,” and “Who am I?”, while I may not get an answer to that question, I can be confident that God is with me. Also, I'm apparently quite thick- as God had to tell me 3 times, He is with me!

     Well, that is my serious theoretical and theological post- Hopefully next time it is a bit lighter content. Maybe containing the words, Professor, Essay, Love:) But no promises! Again, here are some more pictures of Oxfords’ beauty:)

(Hot Chocolate from a cute

cake shop down the street from me.

Also my reward for finishing my 1st

essay!)

(View from my bedroom

window this last week)

(Typical Oxford Street)

(In New College Garden)

(The "tree" and cloisters,
I can't get over how neat the
tree is!)